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| Running. I miss it terribly. Had to freeze my gym membership because it was too expensive. So running outside to the track at Astoria Park is my new thing. Once the weather decides to cooperate. |
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| Weekly yoga practice, because I know it makes me feel calm and balanced, and hopefully I'll live with less anxiety. |
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| Becoming a member of Actors' Equity aka booking another SHOW! |
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| Singing the music I love with my own Band behind me. |
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| Some new clothes...it's been more than a few years since I've been shopping for ME. |
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| Time to pursue hobbies. | | | | | |
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| A vacation or two. Or a weekend away somewhere. I really miss traveling to different places. |
Trying and trying to make all of these a reality. Trying a new game plan with money. It's called having a budget (Surprise! I hope you all can catch my sarcasm and silliness). Hopefully E and I can learn to budget better for the apartment so at least we will have a stash of cash for all things that concern us living in this space together. I know we can do it. The winter has been hard. Very hard. Work has been slow for E this winter, and now it's finally picking up, and that's a good thing. Spring is on the way. Another good thing. I have tentative plans to make things better for myself. Spending less and simplifying as many things as possible, but having enough for what I need in life right now. I posted on Facebook the other day about how, so close to a year of not touring, I am still feeling like THAT was my normal life, and all of this I have here, is not normal, or comfortable for me. I just haven't found my stride here, my routine here, any success here. Well that's not entirely true, the fact that I've been able to survive with the bare minimum of money available to me has been something, but it's no way to live. Everything has been trial and error for months. Discovering what works and what doesn't work. Little adjustments here and there. But sometimes it can be extremely overwhelming and depressing to think about how I am no where near where I want to be in terms of living my life. Still in that holding pattern. And am I somehow keeping myself here? I don't know the answer to that. I think about it though. All of the talk about how your thoughts, past and present, bring you to where you are this very moment. Gotta work on changing those thoughts. Throwing out the old scripts and starting fresh. Letting it go. The past, I mean. It's gone, and it's not fair to me that I should hold on to it and sabotage anything that could bloom here in the present.
I need a game changer. Or maybe I just need to stop waiting for that big 'thing' that will change everything and just become the change. I should be the change in my life. Waiting for something to come along and make everything better seems kind of stupid, because deep down I know that if I don't fight to change, nothing will happen for me. So let's see what I can do this week. I'll be back to talk about it soon enough.
