Operation 27 has begun. What might that be, you ask? I'm going to turn 27 in 5 weeks. I feel that this year will be an important one in my life. I want to be accountable for following through on all of the dreams I have, big and small.
accountability:
the answering for one's actions and accepting the consequences.
Being accountable doesn't mean that I must achieve EVERY SINGLE dream that I have, it just means that I am counting on myself to spend way more of my time trying to achieve whichever ones I can, in the hopes that I'll build a foundation for successes over the next few years. And I am putting the power to fulfill my dreams and create my life in my own hands, rather than rely on everything and everyone around me.
The most obvious being professionally. Singing for a living. In whatever capacity I can- it can be on Broadway, regional theaters, or in cabarets, variety shows, clubs...whatever. 26 was the first year in my entire recollection of my life that I did not sing as much. And that is devastating to me, because singing is what drives my spirit. And this past year, it just kind of fell away. Because I wasn't touring, or in school rehearsing, practicing, perfecting, and so the opportunities were few, and I didn't really go looking for them. I will look for them. What else? I want to be in commercials! I've been thinking about this for years now, yet after graduating college and having all of the commercial agencies in NYC at my fingertips (dangit!), I didn't do anything. I didn't follow through, and at that time, I really was too young and inexperienced to know what the heck I was doing. Well, times are different now, and I do know what I'm doing, and I know at least a few ways to dip my toes into the commercial waters.
This is the year that I will devote more attention and time to changing my unhealthy habits, mainly in regards to my relationship with food. I can give myself credit on this one, I know that I have come a long way from that girl in college who put all of her self worth into how much control she had over eating, and how 'small' she appeared to be, not realizing that the smaller I made myself, the more power I took away from myself as a human being. I don't want to go down that road again, and I'm not saying I am, or will, I just want to be aware that I still tie my emotions into food, and it's not always in a healthy way. I can't punish myself for being unhappy through food. I want to have a healthy relationship with food, bottom line. I can see the light at the end of this tunnel, I'm just going to work harder at getting there.
This is also the year that I explore where my spirit has gone. It's there, but it's no longer necessarily attached to organized religion of one form or another. Most of my life, I've found that I had easy access to my spirituality- my connection with my higher energy, or power, or whatever it is. I feel like I've lost a little of that 'connectedness', and I would like to devote time to finding it.
I would like to get a better handle on my finances. And that doesn't mean I want to be rich and buy expensive things (except maybe for shoes :-p). I want to pay down my debt, and build a real savings, and not live paycheck to paycheck with constant worries about how I'll make it month to month. I will find the balance. Even if I have to read a hundred books on money management!!
I feel like I'm at a point in my life where it's time to level up; get a better understanding of who I am, where I stand in the world, and what I'm capable of. I'm feeling the call for growth and change, in a positive way. I feel like I've been through so much and have the strength to tackle things that I've been afraid of taking on. I have so much to look forward to in the coming year (my first Equity show!!), things I don't even know about yet, but know that they'll reveal themselves in time. I guess New Year's Resolutions never really do it for me, and if I can keep my dreams in focus this year, I think it will open many doors for me.
