Love and Opportunity.

Thanks to my friend and former Soul Sister, N.M., I am now apart of the cast of Hairspray playing at the Palace Theatre in Manchester, NH! I will be a Dynamite, which is essentially like being a Soul Sister in Superstar. I am extremely thankful for this new opportunity. I'm always amazed at how the Universe works. This is just what I needed! I am very nervous though, because it's been a long long while since I've had to learn a new show and I worry about whether I'll be able to keep up with the quick rehearsal process. So I am going to throw myself into it all and allow myself to learn and grow and do the best job that I can possibly do! What's great about this gig is that I'll be able to come back to the city after opening weekend, sub for a few days, then take the bus back up to Manchester, and it'll be like that for the run of the show, which is through May 14th. 

Once the show's through, it'll be back to auditioning and substituting, with some other things thrown in that I am really looking forward to. Going to see a Phish concert with E. over Memorial Day weekend at Woodstock, heading to Florida for E's grandmother's 90th birthday bash, and hopefully the 3 day festival that Phish is putting on during the weekend before the 4th of July- lots of camping and great music and warm weather. Just what I have been yearning for!

And on top of all of that, April 15th is our 3 year anniversary! I'm sad that I'll be in rehearsals this year and won't be able to spend the day with E., but we planned to celebrate when he comes up to see Hairspray and visit, and also when we head to Woodstock for the concert. I feel so blessed that we are still as happy and in love with each other as we were 3 years ago. I am excited for what the future holds for us, and thankful for all of the everyday things we do together! Just being able to come home after a ridiculous day of substituting and see him makes it all better and worthwhile. I just feel really blessed that we found each other.

The Safehouse in Milwaukee, WI where we started dating in 2008

revisiting The Safehouse in 2010 on tour

On Hold.

This is the state of my life right now. And honestly, there isn't much to be done about it. What I can do is try to get myself in order over the next 2 or 3 months and place myself in a better position financially. And once I am there (not talking about a million dollars here, but at least to make more than just enough for bills and food) then I will be able to invest in the things that I think will help me take my passion in life back into my career path. So, for now, I wait. I gather my resources until it's time to put them to work.

Quote for the Week.

Visions for the Present.

Running. I  miss it terribly. Had to freeze my gym membership because it was too expensive. So running outside to the track at Astoria Park is my new thing. Once the weather decides to cooperate.

Weekly yoga practice, because I know it makes me feel calm and balanced, and hopefully I'll live with less anxiety.

Becoming a member of Actors' Equity aka booking another SHOW!

Singing the music I love with my own Band behind me.

Some new clothes...it's been more than a few years since I've been shopping for ME.

Time to pursue hobbies.

A vacation or two. Or a weekend away somewhere. I really miss traveling to different places.

Trying and trying to make all of these a reality. Trying a new game plan with money. It's called having a budget (Surprise! I hope you all can catch my sarcasm and silliness). Hopefully E and I can learn to budget better for the apartment so at least we will have a stash of cash for all things that concern us living in this space together. I know we can do it. The winter has been hard. Very hard. Work has been slow for E this winter, and now it's finally picking up, and that's a good thing. Spring is on the way. Another good thing. I have tentative plans to make things better for myself. Spending less and simplifying as many things as possible, but having enough for what I need in life right now. I posted on Facebook the other day about how, so close to a year of not touring, I am still feeling like THAT was my normal life, and all of this I have here, is not normal, or comfortable for me. I just haven't found my stride here, my routine here, any success here. Well that's not entirely true, the fact that I've been able to survive with the bare minimum of money available to me has been something, but it's no way to  live. Everything has been trial and error for months. Discovering what works and what doesn't work. Little adjustments here and there. But sometimes it can be extremely overwhelming and depressing to think about how I am no where near where I want to be in terms of living my life. Still in that holding pattern. And am I somehow keeping myself here? I don't know the answer to that. I think about it though. All of the talk about how your thoughts, past and present, bring you to where you are this very moment. Gotta work on changing those thoughts. Throwing out the old scripts and starting fresh. Letting it go. The past, I mean. It's gone, and it's not fair to me that I should hold on to it and sabotage anything that could bloom here in the present.

I need a game changer. Or maybe I just need to stop waiting for that big 'thing' that will change everything and just become the change. I should be the change in my life. Waiting for something to come along and make everything better seems kind of stupid, because deep down I know that if I don't fight to change, nothing will happen for me. So let's see what I can do this week. I'll be back to talk about it soon enough.