Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Recharge.

I've been home for the past week now and I am realizing that as much as I may say otherwise, I enjoy being home. It's become a place where I can go to recharge. To get rid of all the emotional/spiritual/physical junk that I've accumulated over the past few months. It's like detox! It's very quiet here, and I can spend a lot of time on my own, reading, writing, and figuring things out. Not to say that I can't do that in NYC- but c'mon! It's New York! The city that never sleeps. I think that when I'm back in Astoria I'm going to try to start doing the things I keep telling myself that I'm going to do, but never do, mainly because traveling back and forth to work has kind of sucked the soul out of me. But now that I'm in the last week of this job, I know that a mini vacation is right around the corner, which equals more free time. Another good thing- as of next Thursday, I plan to never return to substitute teaching in NJ. Done with that phase. Moving on. I have a summer job lined up, where I'll be making more money and generally having more fun, and then it's time to get ready for the BUDDY contract. A huge step and another huge challenge for me.

I've been reading a lot lately, and the thing that keeps popping out to me is that we are able to create the life we want. So many times we tell ourselves stories, without realizing that these stories are outdated. They are from our past and most of the time don't really reflect who we are right now, in the present moment. Maybe we tell ourselves these stories because they are comfortable, and who would we be without them? That's the scary part. But if you want to grow, to change, to mature and move forward, you have to be willing to embrace new stories about yourself. Especially if the stories that we're telling are negative. No longer are you that person who can't do this, will never do that. If you want to now, what's holding you back? You. I know that at the end of my time here on this earth, I want to know that I've taken the journey and lived as full of a life that I could, and that I pursued my dreams, and that I wasn't afraid to step out of my own idea of myself and discover new things.