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| My 2011 planner. A change from my black standard. |
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This past week was a rough week. Rough. And even though I only substituted for 2 days, it felt like torture each day. Maybe it was because each time I arrived in the morning and walked into the office, I was given the
WORST possible schedule. Covering the gym teacher. Already bad, especially when they don't leave anything for you to do, especially when you have the toughest upper grade classes in the building. Kids screaming and yelling, throwing paper airplanes, walking out of the room, listening to their iPods and swearing as if I wasn't there. Attitudes galore and absolutely
No Respect. Being in this kind of environment really brings me down. Not to say that everyday has been like this, but it seems lately I have been attracting these kinds of days. I don't want them anymore. I want to semi enjoy my 'day job,' especially since it is the only thing bringing in money right now. These kinds of days cause me to spiral into negativity. Everything seems harder, goals seem further away. Going to the gym after traveling home seems impossible. Eating right? Heck no! I need comfort food because I don't want to cry after a bad day. Stuff it down. Doesn't matter how many articles I read that talk about positivity, I can't seem to get there. This has been the last two weeks.
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| I bought this on tour. I may not be traveling from city to city, but I am still traveling. |
I need to change this, or else I will have completely sabotaged myself before I even attempt to reach my other goals. Auditioning, new head shots, getting back in shape, etc, etc. So this week, I am bringing an army of things with me to work everyday to hopefully counteract the negativity and anxiety that I'm feeling. I can't take those feelings anymore. I'll have my iPod everyday, a book to read, my journal for quick entries, my brand new planner I ordered, and just a calm mantra in my head to try and get me through. I have to try to remember that this is a challenge, and I will learn something through this experience that will make me stronger and better able to handle whatever is next for me.
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| This book calms me every single time I read it. |
