Has it really been almost 8 months since the last Jesus Christ Superstar performance? It kind of hit me today. 2011 is here, and it will be the first year since 2005 that there is not national tour of JCS in my life. Has half a decade of my life really been spent doing that show? Traveling? Living out of a suitcase? Yes, it has. And now I am in the midst of furnishing and decorating our apartment. My home space. My permanent space. We've lived in Astoria for 2 months now, and only NOW have we finally bought a couch. And a coffee table. And we'll even have a kitchen table too! These items that people take for granted, we will have in one week. It's going to change our place even more. It will feel like a real living space. Not a hotel room, or the kitchen/living room of a rock star tour bus. The living room of our apartment. Talk about slow going. That pretty much where I am right now. I feel like I want to be starting up a million new things: yoga classes, pilates, dance classes, voice lessons, auditions, new headshots, commercial classes, and the list goes on and on, and it is slow going. It seems to be taking forever to make any of these things happen. I realize that money is a factor, but I also realize that in trying to choose the day job that I know I can make the money I need to make, my day job is now taking up the majority of my day. Commuting to and from work takes up almost as much time as the actual work itself! Not to mention the money spent on commuting. I could be using that money to take all of the classes and voice lessons that I want to take! So I'm starting to find myself stuck. And impatient because it's been 8 months since Superstar ended, and I am really no closer to anything that I've been striving towards. The apartment is coming along, but the other things I need for
me seem to be far away.
I have started reading some inspirational material again, this time in the form of websites, since I don't have the money to buy books. One website is TinyBuddha, which has tons of articles on everything that you could be feeling or wanting to focus on in your personal journey. The words of wisdom have been very inspirational to me, and are getting me through my days. The other is a website that is based on the 3 page writing exercise that is in The Artist's Way. You go to this website and you write 750 words about anything and everything that is on your mind. I love it and wish I had found it on tour because then I wouldn't have had to carry around an extra notebook to write in. I type much faster anyway, so I feel like I get a better stream of conscious. The writing allows me to get out all the things that are always running in my mind, and make some sense of it. So I can start small with my dreams. Set little goals, and do one thing at a time. What can I do this week? There is an audition, which half of me is saying that I'm not ready for, I need to do all of these other things in order to be ready, but the other half of me is saying I need to start getting out there and taking risks, because the level of perfection that I think I need to bring just doesn't exist. So maybe I will go. Take that risk. Maybe I will go to a pilates class or two this week too. Maybe I can try writing my 750 words every day this week. Baby steps.
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| New Year's Eve 2010 |
“If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.” ~Jack Dixon
TinyBuddha
