bumps in the road...

Right now, I am what you'd call an...unemployed singer/actor. I have not auditioned for anything since I've come home from Superstar. I decided that I need a moment to figure out where my life is actually headed before I jump into that whole musical theatre cattle call scene. I've been home with my parents for the past month or so, and my original plan was to substitute teach while I was home, so I could make some money and be okay for the summer. Here's the thing about that: the payroll schedule for substituting in Paterson, NJ is dumb. And by dumb, I mean, if I started working the week I was home, early May, I wouldn't get a paycheck until June 15th for all of that work, and that paycheck would only have 2 days of work on it, and then I would have to wait until the end of June for a substantial paycheck. Being that I have a lot of bills to pay (cell phone, health insurance, student loans, and 2 credit cards), this was not an option. I was happy though, because I knew that I could go on unemployment for couple of months until August when I moved into the city again. So, I had money in my savings account for the apartment, and I was going to be able to live off of my unemployment. Good deal. Enter the bump in my road. After waiting 4 week for my unemployment to clear, I get a letter from them saying that I needed to have an appointment, because according to the Paterson Board of Education, I was "discharged." WHAT? Mind you, I'd been receiving calls from subfinder to come in and substitute to the point where I put the 'unavailable' on my number because I wasn't going to come in. But I was NOT fired. So after trying to speak with the happy, helpful people who worked in the unemployment office in Maryland, I was forced to wait until this past Tuesday for my "appointment."

On a side note, I have come to realize that there has been a pattern/cycle that I've been falling into probably since my senior year of college. It's my inability to really a) save money, and b) have enough money to live and pay my bills. After years of overdrafting and accumulating a credit card debt that haunts my dreams, I thought that over this past year or so, I was FINALLY getting my sh*t together. I got a checking account that I could not overdraft from even if I tried, I opened a savings account and was planning to save money on this last leg of tour, and I was working and living and paying my bills on time. Until this unemployment mess.

I was anxiously awaiting Tuesday and what would happen, and hoping and praying that this would be something that I could easily fix. I was never fired, someone must have made a mistake, I just ended a contract, and I am unemployed. Pretty simple. Until the phone conversation with my "case worker." He seemed so confused by the idea that as a substitute teacher, I worked when I was available to work, and when I wasn't available, I didn't work. I've been doing this on and off since 2005. Never a problem. He made me feel like I was lying to him about being fired, and that I didn't understand the system. I cried, I begged for a way to figure it all out. And then he asks about my last job (Superstar). How did he not have that information already? I've been filing every two weeks for the last month, so clearly, that information should already be there. He says he spoke with Paterson and the rest gets confusing. I think he said that I must have quit, since I was no longer able to work there now. Not true. I'm unavailable until next school year. But he insisted that it meant that I quit. Fine, but who said I was fired? No answer on that. He says that he's going to do everything he can to make it work somehow, and that I had to fax him my last pay stub from Superstar. And give him all the info about the employer (again, how did he NOT have that already?) So I faxed him all the info, and heard nothing back. I called yesterday to try to get in touch with him, and the best that I could do was to speak with a woman who put me on hold to go talk to him to ask if he got everything I faxed and if there was anything else that I could do, or needed to do. Nothing I could do. She then told me that I had to wait 7-10 more days for his "decision." Seriously?

 So here I am, waiting again. This coming Sunday will be the 3rd time I've filed my unemployment stuff. They owe me 3 checks. I have not received anything. And I still have to wait for a 'decision.' I've had to use the money that I saved from Superstar to pay my bills for this month. The only money I have left right now is the other chunk of money that I have saved for the apartment in NYC. At least my bills are paid, but I am scared as to what's going to happen. I am praying that they will 'decide' in my favor and I can get the money I am owed, which will put me back on financial track and ready to move. If not, I'm going to have to rethink everything. I already booked a plane ticket to Florida on the 16th, so I'm going no matter what. I'm trying not to feel like a victim, because that's not what I am, but I can't help but wonder why this had to happen now? When I've worked so hard to try to maintain and save, one person's mistake can screw it all up. It's forcing me really to take everything one day at a time, and to focus only on what's happening now, because I have no choice. I don't know when I'm going to get this letter, and I can't think and stress about it everyday. I just hope that it's all going to work out in the end. So I can get a fresh start on my  life. I wanted to leave all of that financial crap behind with Superstar. Release it, and start anew. I'm praying for the chance to do that.